Sunday, October 19, 2008 Journal Excerpt



This morning we found out that we are pregnant, we are going to have a baby!

I am such an extraordinarily large, complex heap of thoughts and emotions right now I don’t even know where to begin. And at the same time I am a perfect, joyful Holon, celebrating this magical force of creation that has begun.

Yesterday David and I walked into town to get a test, as I am about a week late. I even wanted to wait another week because of the last time I got all excited and tested to be disappointed by no pregnancy.

So this morning I found myself feeling very un-hopeful, I didn’t want to do the test and avoided it for as long as possible. But eventually I had to get out of bed and pee.

I am sad to think of how negative and mad I felt doing the test, how certain I was that I wasn’t pregnant.

Two lines means baby, one line means no baby.

I peed on the thing, saw one line appear, waited a bit for a second line to appear, got pre-maturely disappointed, and decided I was not pregnant and most likely never would be (how silly our minds can be!) I went and got back into bed, saying to David “We’re not pregnant.”

He went to collect the test, and after waiting a while to be sure, showed it to me again. TWO LINES!!! I cried. Then I felt overwhelmed and confused, so many thoughts!!!

When and how will I tell everyone? Where will the baby be born? Where will we live? Who will be our doctor? What will happen to my body? Who is this person growing inside of me?

Then, all of that settled and I entered into great trust, putting all of my questions aside, knowing I will know everything I need to know when I need to know it, not a moment before…..and then IN FLOODED THE JOY!!

I am thrilled beyond words, celebrating in every cell of my body, my darling, beloved, most treasured child I am so honored to be chosen as your mother!

I look forward to the changes this body will see as you share it with me. The next nine months we are going to have such a wonderful adventure together. I promise to do my best to listen to you, and to nurture you to your highest potential, to hold you tenderly and with deep respect in all ways, and to be your friend. I am so excited to meet you!

The first day of my last period was Sept. 14, 2008, making the EDD (estimated due date) June 21, 2009. A sweet strawberry summer solstice baby.


Sunday, September 21, 2008 Journal Excerpt

Home again home again, rejoice! We arrived home from Raw Spirit Fest in Sedona on Thursday. Well, my September period has come and gone. This time it arrived just as I was going to get up on stage to announce the next speaker (David and I were MCing one of the presentation stages) and I realized I couldn’t or I would be in tears again. My dear husband covered for me, and no tears were shed this time!

Among the many inspiring presentations that we listened to, my favorite speaker this year was Brigitte Mars, who I went to listen to as much as I could! One of her talks was on the subject of color therapy, and I asked her about colors for fertility. She said: Walking in full spectrum lighting (sunlight), eating nuts and seed (full of fertility and life force!), wearing an acorn in a medicine bag round your neck (strong life force in an acorn, the acorn creates the oak tree!), eat watermelon and chew the seed, ORANGE, eat orange foods, eat seaweeds and dark colored foods (high in minerals)img_1424www.BrigitteMars.com

(I do all of these things already, apart from wearing an acorn and chewing watermelon seeds, and so I left feeling very joyful and fertile.)

Sedona was magical as it always is.


Back on Salt Spring Island, I have spent most of the day in the kitchen dehydrating tomatoes, pears, plums, and making delicious raw rosemary onion rings. We are still getting lots of blackberries from the bushes.

We have the woodstove going today for the first time this year. I can tell I am going to have a magical winter in this house.